I could coach you so that you can better deal with the life you have. I do that for a lot of people. They react to “stuff” in their environment and their reactions give them the life they have. When we go through life reacting, we get a life by default.
Or, I could coach you to create the life you want. Instead of reacting, you get proactive. You call the shots and you end up with a life by design, not by default.
I’d much rather do the latter. The good news is, it’s easier than you think. The bad news…it’s not going to feel as comfortable or familiar as simply reacting. But comfort is overrated. If you can just put a few new habits into practice, you’re there.
Here are 3 Steps to Creating the Life of your Design:
Step #1: NOTICE your patterns and habits
What are you thinking? That may seem like a strange question, but we rarely take the time to really notice. Instead, we tend to run on autopilot, never really checking in with our thoughts.
For one hour today, pay close attention to the thoughts that run through your head. Practice being the objective observer of your thoughts and just notice—without judgment—the content of your mind.
Are you surprised?
Notice how you talk to yourself. Would you talk to a child the way you talk to yourself?
What do you pay attention to and focus on? Things that make you feel good or things you want to fix; things that are wrong or make you feel badly?
When you notice negative emotion, try to pin down the thoughts you were thinking immediately preceding that emotion. Remember to observe the thoughts objectively, without judgment. Were you thinking you look fat in those jeans? That you have a million things to do today and you’ll never get it all done? Interesting. When we really notice the thoughts, the emotions make a lot of sense.
Noticing our automatic, habitual thoughts and emotions is the first step to Creating the life we want.
You can’t always instantly banish negative thoughts, but you don’t have to engage with them either. What do I mean by “engage” with a thought? Let it linger, unquestioned. Repeat it. Elaborate on it. Believe it. Let it come out and play.
When you notice that your thoughts aren’t serving you or that you feel negative emotion in your body, consciously shift your attention.
People don’t realize that it’s often this easy. They think that once the negative thought or emotion has a hold on them, they are powerless. They are not. You are not. Thoughts can run through your head but you don’t have to engage with them.
Try to shift your attention to what feels good because there is nothing more important in Creating the life you want than feeling good. Nothing.
This might sound overly simplistic. You may be doubtful, wondering, “Can I really just choose what I want and that begins the process of creating it in my life?”
How else would it happen?
Or you may be hitting the brick wall of resistance.
Resistance is a given. Expect it. Your mind may start in with, “you’ll never have that great of a life”, “you don’t deserve it”, “you don’t even know how to get there”.
But these obstacles are just mind chatter and mind chatter has no objective truth.
Go back to Step 1 and notice the resistant thoughts without judgment. Then go back to Step 2 and shift away from the thoughts. Each and every time. It takes practice and it takes a willingness to not give up. Luckily, that’s all it takes.
Get very clear on what it is that you want to Create and spend as much time there as you can. Focus on how it will look, feel, and sound. When you’re living that life, what will you have? What emotions will you experience, what will it feel like? What will people say to you and what will you say to yourself?
Be in the feeling of it. Keep your sights on what it is you are Creating with unwavering focus.
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